Once she's gone after dinner, and while my son is in the bath, the dog goes absolutely bananas barking. I pick up the wet and now angry son, rush downstairs, let the dog out the back door because I assume she wants to wee, and go back upstairs to the finish the bath. About 30 seconds later, I hear demented barking from outside the house. Oh shit. I could have sworn I saw my wife shut the gate. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
I grab my son, plus towel, run downstairs towards the back door, only to almost trip over a frantic dog who is sprinting back inside. I slam the back door closed, turn off the light I'd left on out there, and start drying my son properly. Still a bit curious about what she was barking at, I'm preparing to take the child back upstairs to get into his pajamas when the barking starts again from inside the house! Oh - there's actually someone at the front door. Well that makes more sense.
It's a very grumpy neighbour I've not met before. He's just been knocking at the front door, then some crazy neighbour set the dog on him, then he went round to the back door only to have it slammed in his face and the lights turned off. Oops.
"No worries mate. I'm actually here about your car..."
"Uh, what about it?"
"Did you park on the road tonight?"
"Yes. Why?" (Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.)
"Well you parked in a really stupid place mate, and I've gone and backed into it in the dark."
"Shit! Daddy said shit!"
"Hey! Don't say that word!"
"I don't think it's too bad actually. Just some of the white paint is scratched and there's a bit of a dent in one panel."
"Hang on - my car is red."
"Oh. This one is white."
(Woohoo! Not mine!)
"Sorry mate, I don't know whose that is."
"Ok, sorry to bother you."
"Car went crash!"
"Yes buddy, car went crash."
Finally, I read my son a story and put him to bed exhausted. There's a tiny black spider on his radiator. I grab and squish it in my fingers as I leave the room, thinking I'll just rinse it off in the bathroom on my way back downstairs.
That's odd - why does it have a red blob on its back?